10 Of The Weirdest Victorian Inventions

In the age of industrial change and early electricity, Victorian inventors sure came up with some weird inventions, contraptions, gizmos and ideas.

Thank Universe for the internet so we can happily mock the wayward brain children of these Victorian tinkers that once hoped to strike it rich … and definitely didn’t.

(Click on the image to see it's source link.)

1. Exercise without moving? Sign me up! Not sure if this is supposed to hammer your backfat off, or just give you a massage.

Either way, I’m in…

2. ‘Wash behind your ears! Make sure you get the nooks and crannies!’ These are phrases of the past!' , said this inventor. Sadly if he hadn’t died a couple of centuries too soon,

he could have made a fortune selling these puppies to the Jetsons.

3. Motorized Roller Skates? We seriously need to make an modern version of this invention!

Puts your wheelie sneakers to shame, middle schoolers!

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4. I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too! And your little cat, and your auntie and your uncle, and the whole friggin' farm! Muaahahahaha!

And you thought you were scared of tornadoes….

5. Parisian puffer outfits designed to protect citizens against bomb raids. What a fashion statement! I really hope that the designer’s last thoughts, (as he was burning in his super flammably stuffed protective outfit), were something like:

‘Wow this didn’t work at all…’

6. Do you have a free range baby?

Nope, mine’s locked up in her coop so I can collect her eggs.

(Psst… Victorians, babies don’t lay eggs!)

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7. Smoking machine. The Victorian answer to anti-smoking campaigns. “Daddy, you should quit smoking because it gives me second hand smoke...”

“You want second hand smoke? I’ll give you second hand smoke!”

8. Victorian Fit Bit? Why people are still so obsessed with counting their steps, I’ll never know.

But I guess not all wacky inventions were complete failures….

9. You could have just worn waders and wellies and called it a day. Or better yet… don’t go in the water!

Hell for the kind of money it probably cost,

you could just buy a second tuxedo to go swimming in!

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10. The Animal Cruelty Piano! The keys are connected to levers that have a spike on the end and stabs the cat when you press it. But it wasn’t really intended to make music with. It was used, (when it was used), as a psychological treatment! The idea was that the absurdity and volume of the cat piano would be enough to draw any depressed asylum patient out of their malaise and back to reality. Though if I were woken up that way, I’d want to go back into my depressed stupor as quick as humanly possible…

Or maybe I’d just think I was still in it…

I want to particularly thank the blog,

The Public Domain Review,

for pointing out some of these ridiculous beauties in their fabulous articles. Check them out.

#vintagepics #humorous #funny

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